2 Days In.

My first day back to the backpack store greeted me with maddening redundancy. It picked up where it left off and the "Groundhog Day" syndrome immediately kicked in. The same customers with the same issues, time after time.

I would be adding to the redundancy if I continued bitching about the same things over and over--so I'll just bitch about one helpless loser that sticks out from the rest. Then I'll talk about the douchey new manager. He's a real champion.

Some chick calls up store and luckily I answer the phone. That's sarcasm.

"Hello, my name is Sora. It means "Sky".

"Okay." I reply in a very 'who cares' tone.

She wants to know how many of a certain sleeping bag the company's warehouse has. Seeing as how I ain't the warehouse, I politely give her the number to Customer Service, ie: the warehouse. She doesn't like that. She doesn't want to call them. She wants me to tell her. I explain that I don't have access to warehouse stock levels, that I'm simply a retail location without distribution info. She gets angry and tells me to find out. I says to her, "You want me to be your middle-man?" She says yes.

"I'm too busy to call them myself" she explains.

"Lady, you could have already had your answers from them in the time it's taken you to try and explain yourself to me. My store's busy as hell right now too. But I'll try and get a hold of them for you."

I am extremely annoyed, and that's exactly how I want my tone to come across. She gives me her info.

Of course, she fucked up some of the info she gave on the sleeping bags and I had to call her back to verify, which took even longer. Stupid hippie.

I call CS. No answer. So I call her back. "No dice, Sky. I can't get through to them. You'll have to try them later."

"Can't you try them back later?"

"No."

The end.

The new manager, as my friend and co-worker accurately put it, is a cross between two Office Space characters. Brian, the waiter at Chachki's and Bill Lumburg. He's very fake, insincere, and annoying. He's actually making the customers seem not as bad. He introduces himself to every customer. He kind of talks to them like Ben Stiller's character on Happy Gilmore--you know, over the top nauseatingly wholesome. And talks to employees by saying "Yeeeaaahh." Lumburg style.

But he's also a douche.

Example: Today, as a few of us are congregating around the register, one co-worker says, "Did you hear about that Batman movie last night?" Referring to the shootings that killed 12 people very close to home.

Douchebag says, "Yeah, I heard it killed at the box office! Haha! Too soon?"

One: Yes, it is too soon. It happened a matter of hours ago. In fact, it will probably always be too soon.

Two: "Too soon?" is an overused phrase that pisses me off anyway.

Three: If you're going to make an extremely tasteless comment that is probably going to offend people in the group, at the very least make it funny. This was very unfunny.

Douche.

So, in addition to brainless customers, I now have a brainless boss. Neat.

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Back in the Saddle. The Saddle of Horrid, Horrid Retail. That Doesn't Even Make Sense.

Well that didn't take long.

For the time being, I'm back in retail.  Until my wife and I sell our house, which is proving to be a much longer process than we had initially thought, I am working at two stores that I once managed. Weird.

I'll be picking up hours at the fly shop, as well as a guide trip here and there.  You probably won't hear me bitching about that, seeing as how I like the fly shop.  Sure, there are legions of helpless people that want you to sit down with them (or chat for hours on the phone) and teach them everything there is to know about fly fishing in two hours (they never bother researching it themselves beforehand), while other customers are needing assistance, the phone is ringing off the hook, and guide trips are piling up.  They're oblivious.  But to me, it's doable...and sometimes actually pleasant.  Especially compared to my other "job".  The one that inspired this blog.

My other "job" is the one that I just left due to my wife and I "moving to St. Louis".  That's in quotes because at this rate I'm not sure if it will ever happen.  That's a different story...  It's an outdoor clothing and equipment store located on a pedestrian mall in Boulder.  It sucks.  But in addition to it's original suckiness, the store has a new manager...a manager of whom I think is a douche.  He's the ultimate ass-kisser, has no personality outside of what the Management Handbook requires of him, and is already making me want to throw up just by listening to his fake, salesman's tone and business catch-phrases (see: "Moving forward" and "Reaching out").

Needless to say, we should be reading some entertaining material about this ass-clown by the end of the week.  Add to that all the brainless consumers that frequent this particular store, and you've got me about to lose it--which is good entertainment for all of us.

My temporary career transition will require patience and the swallowing of some pride in order to supplement my savings, but my passive-aggressiveness will live on through script.  I hope we can all get a good laugh out of my poor job-related decisions.  I mean that sincerely and from the heart.

Please enjoy your jobs today.  Try not to strangle anyone.  I'll do the same.

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