Well friends, I'm at it again. My occupation has once again dragged me back into working with the masses. I've been pretty quiet about the idiotic general public of late--feeling guilty for bitching and moaning, encouraged to keep it to myself and be thankful that I am, in fact, employed, and trying to extrude a bit of professional integrity (not get in trouble by my superiors who might be stalking my social networking).
But I just talked to "Diane", who is upset that the backpacks we make don't fit her. Our hipbelts extend all the way to 52 inches--too small for Diane. And our frames adjust all the way down to 15 inches--still too big for Diane. So Diane is shaped like a hamburger bun. What happens when people shaped like hamburger buns can't get a backpack to fit them? I get a phone call from them, pissed off.
And just now, "Dan" called with a similar complaint that my company is directly responsible for: Dan has gained a lot of weight since purchasing his jacket from us last year. He would like us to give him a new one for free. We said no. Dan became somewhat belligerent, "Now what am s'posed to do?? I've got a jacket that I can't wear anymore!!" Dan, your fatness is not my problem.
This is why I am here once again. God bless us all.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Been A While.
Yes, it has been a while.
I apologize to everyone for quitting my horrible retail job that fueled this blog for months. It made me crazy, and that, along with some other life-altering decisions, has been the reasoning for the death of this blog.
But please do not fear, as I am back in retail. Albeit at a place that I actually like, dealing with customers that I actually don't mind, discussing things that I actually dig. But even at the fly shop, customers can get pretty damn annoying at times. You have to juggle the pretentious know-it-alls, the clueless, lazy beginners, and everyone in between.
The know-it-alls always have questions. Everyone does. Everyone. But quickly after you answer their question, the know-it-all promptly disagrees with you.
"What's fishing well?"
"Well, the Big Thompson has been fishing better than most anything lately." I answer.
"Baaah, you're kidding! Water levels are too low! The fish are too damn spooky right now. Why would you go there instead of Boulder Creek??"
Because fuck you. How 'bout that?
I like the beginners. Everybody's got to start somewhere, I totally get that. But do at least a hint of research before you take half a day of my time asking me to teach you everything there ever was to know about fly fishing. I don't golf, but if I were to decide to get into golfing, I would certainly do some research in the form of reading books and websites, studying up on the rules, techniques, terminology, and equipment. I would not go into a golf pro-shop, walk up to clerk and say, "I'm interested in golf. Tell me about golf." That statement is with minimal exaggeration.
The main redundancy in fly fishing retail is the hearing the following statement by one out of every three customers..."I've got a question." Every. Day. Most times they're harmless questions--mainly about what the magic fly of the day is. But sometimes it's a ridiculous question with a ridiculous reaction to the answer.
"What can you tell me about some random river four states away that no one has ever heard of?" is basically what you're asking me.
"I don't know, man. I've never fished there. I'd contact a guide from that area if I were you."
"Really?? You don't know ANYTHING about that river???"
"Well, the only thing I really know about it is fuck you."
Keep in mind, I actually enjoy my job. I'd just enjoy it more if idiots didn't come in and talk to me.
..
I apologize to everyone for quitting my horrible retail job that fueled this blog for months. It made me crazy, and that, along with some other life-altering decisions, has been the reasoning for the death of this blog.
But please do not fear, as I am back in retail. Albeit at a place that I actually like, dealing with customers that I actually don't mind, discussing things that I actually dig. But even at the fly shop, customers can get pretty damn annoying at times. You have to juggle the pretentious know-it-alls, the clueless, lazy beginners, and everyone in between.
The know-it-alls always have questions. Everyone does. Everyone. But quickly after you answer their question, the know-it-all promptly disagrees with you.
"What's fishing well?"
"Well, the Big Thompson has been fishing better than most anything lately." I answer.
"Baaah, you're kidding! Water levels are too low! The fish are too damn spooky right now. Why would you go there instead of Boulder Creek??"
Because fuck you. How 'bout that?
I like the beginners. Everybody's got to start somewhere, I totally get that. But do at least a hint of research before you take half a day of my time asking me to teach you everything there ever was to know about fly fishing. I don't golf, but if I were to decide to get into golfing, I would certainly do some research in the form of reading books and websites, studying up on the rules, techniques, terminology, and equipment. I would not go into a golf pro-shop, walk up to clerk and say, "I'm interested in golf. Tell me about golf." That statement is with minimal exaggeration.
The main redundancy in fly fishing retail is the hearing the following statement by one out of every three customers..."I've got a question." Every. Day. Most times they're harmless questions--mainly about what the magic fly of the day is. But sometimes it's a ridiculous question with a ridiculous reaction to the answer.
"What can you tell me about some random river four states away that no one has ever heard of?" is basically what you're asking me.
"I don't know, man. I've never fished there. I'd contact a guide from that area if I were you."
"Really?? You don't know ANYTHING about that river???"
"Well, the only thing I really know about it is fuck you."
Keep in mind, I actually enjoy my job. I'd just enjoy it more if idiots didn't come in and talk to me.
..
Friday, July 20, 2012
2 Days In.
My first day back to the backpack store greeted me with maddening redundancy. It picked up where it left off and the "Groundhog Day" syndrome immediately kicked in. The same customers with the same issues, time after time.
I would be adding to the redundancy if I continued bitching about the same things over and over--so I'll just bitch about one helpless loser that sticks out from the rest. Then I'll talk about the douchey new manager. He's a real champion.
Some chick calls up store and luckily I answer the phone. That's sarcasm.
"Hello, my name is Sora. It means "Sky".
"Okay." I reply in a very 'who cares' tone.
She wants to know how many of a certain sleeping bag the company's warehouse has. Seeing as how I ain't the warehouse, I politely give her the number to Customer Service, ie: the warehouse. She doesn't like that. She doesn't want to call them. She wants me to tell her. I explain that I don't have access to warehouse stock levels, that I'm simply a retail location without distribution info. She gets angry and tells me to find out. I says to her, "You want me to be your middle-man?" She says yes.
"I'm too busy to call them myself" she explains.
"Lady, you could have already had your answers from them in the time it's taken you to try and explain yourself to me. My store's busy as hell right now too. But I'll try and get a hold of them for you."
I am extremely annoyed, and that's exactly how I want my tone to come across. She gives me her info.
Of course, she fucked up some of the info she gave on the sleeping bags and I had to call her back to verify, which took even longer. Stupid hippie.
I call CS. No answer. So I call her back. "No dice, Sky. I can't get through to them. You'll have to try them later."
"Can't you try them back later?"
"No."
The end.
The new manager, as my friend and co-worker accurately put it, is a cross between two Office Space characters. Brian, the waiter at Chachki's and Bill Lumburg. He's very fake, insincere, and annoying. He's actually making the customers seem not as bad. He introduces himself to every customer. He kind of talks to them like Ben Stiller's character on Happy Gilmore--you know, over the top nauseatingly wholesome. And talks to employees by saying "Yeeeaaahh." Lumburg style.
But he's also a douche.
Example: Today, as a few of us are congregating around the register, one co-worker says, "Did you hear about that Batman movie last night?" Referring to the shootings that killed 12 people very close to home.
Douchebag says, "Yeah, I heard it killed at the box office! Haha! Too soon?"
One: Yes, it is too soon. It happened a matter of hours ago. In fact, it will probably always be too soon.
Two: "Too soon?" is an overused phrase that pisses me off anyway.
Three: If you're going to make an extremely tasteless comment that is probably going to offend people in the group, at the very least make it funny. This was very unfunny.
Douche.
So, in addition to brainless customers, I now have a brainless boss. Neat.
..
I would be adding to the redundancy if I continued bitching about the same things over and over--so I'll just bitch about one helpless loser that sticks out from the rest. Then I'll talk about the douchey new manager. He's a real champion.
Some chick calls up store and luckily I answer the phone. That's sarcasm.
"Hello, my name is Sora. It means "Sky".
"Okay." I reply in a very 'who cares' tone.
She wants to know how many of a certain sleeping bag the company's warehouse has. Seeing as how I ain't the warehouse, I politely give her the number to Customer Service, ie: the warehouse. She doesn't like that. She doesn't want to call them. She wants me to tell her. I explain that I don't have access to warehouse stock levels, that I'm simply a retail location without distribution info. She gets angry and tells me to find out. I says to her, "You want me to be your middle-man?" She says yes.
"I'm too busy to call them myself" she explains.
"Lady, you could have already had your answers from them in the time it's taken you to try and explain yourself to me. My store's busy as hell right now too. But I'll try and get a hold of them for you."
I am extremely annoyed, and that's exactly how I want my tone to come across. She gives me her info.
Of course, she fucked up some of the info she gave on the sleeping bags and I had to call her back to verify, which took even longer. Stupid hippie.
I call CS. No answer. So I call her back. "No dice, Sky. I can't get through to them. You'll have to try them later."
"Can't you try them back later?"
"No."
The end.
The new manager, as my friend and co-worker accurately put it, is a cross between two Office Space characters. Brian, the waiter at Chachki's and Bill Lumburg. He's very fake, insincere, and annoying. He's actually making the customers seem not as bad. He introduces himself to every customer. He kind of talks to them like Ben Stiller's character on Happy Gilmore--you know, over the top nauseatingly wholesome. And talks to employees by saying "Yeeeaaahh." Lumburg style.
But he's also a douche.
Example: Today, as a few of us are congregating around the register, one co-worker says, "Did you hear about that Batman movie last night?" Referring to the shootings that killed 12 people very close to home.
Douchebag says, "Yeah, I heard it killed at the box office! Haha! Too soon?"
One: Yes, it is too soon. It happened a matter of hours ago. In fact, it will probably always be too soon.
Two: "Too soon?" is an overused phrase that pisses me off anyway.
Three: If you're going to make an extremely tasteless comment that is probably going to offend people in the group, at the very least make it funny. This was very unfunny.
Douche.
So, in addition to brainless customers, I now have a brainless boss. Neat.
..
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Back in the Saddle. The Saddle of Horrid, Horrid Retail. That Doesn't Even Make Sense.
Well that didn't take long.
For the time being, I'm back in retail. Until my wife and I sell our house, which is proving to be a much longer process than we had initially thought, I am working at two stores that I once managed. Weird.
I'll be picking up hours at the fly shop, as well as a guide trip here and there. You probably won't hear me bitching about that, seeing as how I like the fly shop. Sure, there are legions of helpless people that want you to sit down with them (or chat for hours on the phone) and teach them everything there is to know about fly fishing in two hours (they never bother researching it themselves beforehand), while other customers are needing assistance, the phone is ringing off the hook, and guide trips are piling up. They're oblivious. But to me, it's doable...and sometimes actually pleasant. Especially compared to my other "job". The one that inspired this blog.
My other "job" is the one that I just left due to my wife and I "moving to St. Louis". That's in quotes because at this rate I'm not sure if it will ever happen. That's a different story... It's an outdoor clothing and equipment store located on a pedestrian mall in Boulder. It sucks. But in addition to it's original suckiness, the store has a new manager...a manager of whom I think is a douche. He's the ultimate ass-kisser, has no personality outside of what the Management Handbook requires of him, and is already making me want to throw up just by listening to his fake, salesman's tone and business catch-phrases (see: "Moving forward" and "Reaching out").
Needless to say, we should be reading some entertaining material about this ass-clown by the end of the week. Add to that all the brainless consumers that frequent this particular store, and you've got me about to lose it--which is good entertainment for all of us.
My temporary career transition will require patience and the swallowing of some pride in order to supplement my savings, but my passive-aggressiveness will live on through script. I hope we can all get a good laugh out of my poor job-related decisions. I mean that sincerely and from the heart.
Please enjoy your jobs today. Try not to strangle anyone. I'll do the same.
...
For the time being, I'm back in retail. Until my wife and I sell our house, which is proving to be a much longer process than we had initially thought, I am working at two stores that I once managed. Weird.
I'll be picking up hours at the fly shop, as well as a guide trip here and there. You probably won't hear me bitching about that, seeing as how I like the fly shop. Sure, there are legions of helpless people that want you to sit down with them (or chat for hours on the phone) and teach them everything there is to know about fly fishing in two hours (they never bother researching it themselves beforehand), while other customers are needing assistance, the phone is ringing off the hook, and guide trips are piling up. They're oblivious. But to me, it's doable...and sometimes actually pleasant. Especially compared to my other "job". The one that inspired this blog.
My other "job" is the one that I just left due to my wife and I "moving to St. Louis". That's in quotes because at this rate I'm not sure if it will ever happen. That's a different story... It's an outdoor clothing and equipment store located on a pedestrian mall in Boulder. It sucks. But in addition to it's original suckiness, the store has a new manager...a manager of whom I think is a douche. He's the ultimate ass-kisser, has no personality outside of what the Management Handbook requires of him, and is already making me want to throw up just by listening to his fake, salesman's tone and business catch-phrases (see: "Moving forward" and "Reaching out").
Needless to say, we should be reading some entertaining material about this ass-clown by the end of the week. Add to that all the brainless consumers that frequent this particular store, and you've got me about to lose it--which is good entertainment for all of us.
My temporary career transition will require patience and the swallowing of some pride in order to supplement my savings, but my passive-aggressiveness will live on through script. I hope we can all get a good laugh out of my poor job-related decisions. I mean that sincerely and from the heart.
Please enjoy your jobs today. Try not to strangle anyone. I'll do the same.
...
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Last Waltz.
Well, tomorrow's it! My last day at the retail job...at least this particular retail job. Good chance I'll end up with another one, although that's against the plan. The plan is to branch out into something completely different. But as we all know, our resumes handcuff us into monatany. When the money gets tight and the "something completely different" is dragging its heels, it's time to dust off the retail-heavy resume and start again. This time around though, I hope to use my retail experience as a back-up plan and not the meat and potatoes for what it is I end up doing.
Oh man, what am I going to end up doing tomorrow?? Will I absolutely lose it on a customer? Multiple customers?? I'd like to think that I'm a little more mature than that... I'd like to think...
One thing that I've learned this time around in the retail universe is apathy equals success. The less I care, the better the mood I'm in. The better the mood I'm in, the better I am at my retail job. When I'm good at my retail job, not caring, getting shit done, and still blatently making fun of customers to their faces, everyone's happy. Even the customers whom are getting made fun of, because they're too stupid to realize they're being made fun of.
One other thing that I've learned from the retail universe is that not just customers in my store are stupid. Everyone is stupid. In a room of 18 random people, I'd suspect that four might be normal and suitable to talk to and possibly befriend. The other twelve, stupid. It's science.
If I end up freaking out tomorrow or saying something that I normally might regret, due to damaging my job security, I'll let you know.
Oh man, what am I going to end up doing tomorrow?? Will I absolutely lose it on a customer? Multiple customers?? I'd like to think that I'm a little more mature than that... I'd like to think...
One thing that I've learned this time around in the retail universe is apathy equals success. The less I care, the better the mood I'm in. The better the mood I'm in, the better I am at my retail job. When I'm good at my retail job, not caring, getting shit done, and still blatently making fun of customers to their faces, everyone's happy. Even the customers whom are getting made fun of, because they're too stupid to realize they're being made fun of.
One other thing that I've learned from the retail universe is that not just customers in my store are stupid. Everyone is stupid. In a room of 18 random people, I'd suspect that four might be normal and suitable to talk to and possibly befriend. The other twelve, stupid. It's science.
If I end up freaking out tomorrow or saying something that I normally might regret, due to damaging my job security, I'll let you know.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Tweeter Update.
I haven't blogged lately. Sorry about that. I've been "tweeting" for some reason--probably because when a customer does something stupid, I can post it immediately. But I don't even follow Twitter so I'm not positive why I've been exclusive to it lately.
At any rate, for those of you that don't follow Twitter, here are my latest "tweets" (I hate this terminology).
Idiot Customer: "I bought this shirt the other day. It's too hot to wear on a day like today. Why do they make them so heavy?"
My employee says, while fitting a backpack on a customer, "First I need you to--" Customer interrupts, "--take my shirt off?" "No."
At any rate, for those of you that don't follow Twitter, here are my latest "tweets" (I hate this terminology).
Idiot Customer: "I bought this shirt the other day. It's too hot to wear on a day like today. Why do they make them so heavy?"
My employee says, while fitting a backpack on a customer, "First I need you to--" Customer interrupts, "--take my shirt off?" "No."
A customer just asked me to "assemble an outfit" for her. I am officially in the wrong business.
Guy comes in to exchange his backpack, unzips it and a gigantic bag of weed falls out. "Oh, there it is! I thought I lost it!" He's happy
Horribly Mean & Stupid Woman on Phone: "Where are you located?" Me: "1200 Pearl St, Boulder" HM&SW: "That means absolutely nothing to me!"
"I want to buy this for my son, but I want him to grow into it. Will it fit him in 3 yrs? 5 yrs??" Fmj.
You will never hear me say, "What a beautiful day outside. I think I'll go to the mall and shop all day." I am apparently in the minority.
"Where are your shirts for walking?"
,,
Monday, June 11, 2012
Monday.
A conversation between one of my employees (we'll call him Lonnie) and a customer that just happened while Lonnie was fitting him for a backpack.
Lonnie: "Ok, I just need you to--"
*Interruption*
Customer: "--take my shirt off?" he quickly says with 100% sincerity.
Lonnie: "No. Point to your hip bones."
Customer: "Oh...okay." said with extreme disappointment.
Also, I have a Twitter account now so I can tweet about dipshits from my phone. It's @matttodd51.
Lonnie: "Ok, I just need you to--"
*Interruption*
Customer: "--take my shirt off?" he quickly says with 100% sincerity.
Lonnie: "No. Point to your hip bones."
Customer: "Oh...okay." said with extreme disappointment.
Also, I have a Twitter account now so I can tweet about dipshits from my phone. It's @matttodd51.
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