When in retail, Memorial Day is a living, breathing hell. It's about as bad as Christmas Eve or Black Friday--maybe worse. The reason being is that everyone you know has a long weekend--they are drinking beer, going to the lake, having backyard BBQs, and enjoying the kickoff to summer.
Everyone you don't know has decided to go shopping. It doesn't matter if your particular store is having a sale or not, the masses have decided what better way to enjoy an extended, summertime weekend than to go to the mall and buy unnecessary crap. Go to the cemetery and lay flowers on your war-vet grandfather's tombstone? Nope, spend two full hours in Matt's store trying to figure out which shirt won't shrink as much. Float around the lake with a cooler full of cold ones? Nada, see how many shopping bags you can accumulate during a three-day crap-buying frenzy. Idiots.
So needless to say, I'm already pissed that I signed up for this. Over ten years into it--still not sure how it happened. And when I get absolute morons filling my day with stupidity, it amplifies my frustrations even more.
A sampling of the ridiculous questions that were asked over the weekend:
Dipshit #1: "How do I tell what size this is?" The shirt that this gentleman is looking at is not unlike any other shirt that everyone has in their closet. The size of the garment is clearly marked on the shirt-tag, and it's even listed a second time on the price tag. He's frantically looking at the sleeves, the hanger, the rack it's hanging on--every place except for the fucking tag, where all sizes are always marked on all shirts. "It's right here, dude. On the tag." I explain.
Dipshit #2: "Is this raincoat waterproof?"
Dipshit #3: "Is this jacket meant to be worn over something else?" As in, this ass clown was in the process of taking his shirt off and trying the jacket on over his bare chest. There was absolutely no mistaking this jacket for a shirt. In fact, it was one of those raincoats that Dipshit #2 was asking about. "Most people wear a shirt or something under their jacket, but it's your call bud." I answer.
Dipshit #4: "Hi Matt. Do you work here?" Unfortunately, I have to wear a name tag at this particular retail shop. And in this instance, I obviously was. I've got nothing else to say about this one...
Dipshit #5: "Is this the same jacket I bought from you all?
Me: "I don't know. Did you just buy one from us?
Dipshit #5: "No, it's been a few years."
Hope you all enjoyed your holiday weekend.
Hey, in #4's defense, maybe he/she had run into someone wearing a name tag at another store, assumed they worked there, and then..... you see where this is going? I know, I know, probably not the case, but does sound like something that would happen to me. In which case you learn your lesson and always ask, never assume.
ReplyDeleteAs far as all those others go..... I'm just glad when I've worked retail I've either been in the office or behind the register. Oh, except for that stint I had years ago at the women's shoe store. My best story though involves a very tall, very overweight man, in stretchy pants, trying on very high heeled, women's black pumps. Just creepy. The little high school girl I was working with that day just hid in the back and left me alone to try to help him with a straight face -- hard to stay serious, although I wasn't sure if I wanted to break out in hysterical laughter or start screaming EWWWW and jump around as if I was crawling with ants. I'm still not sure which I'd do.