Sunday's Happenings.

No Sense of Humor

Lady comes up to me with a return.  She's got a dress in a shopping bag, pulls it out, and says while pointing at snags in the fabric, "I already have runs in this dress!"

I says to her, "Well, it's better than having the runs in that dress."

She did not laugh.

Belt Idiot

Old crazy guy comes up to the register while it's really busy and looks around for some help.  I dart over there and quickly ask, "Sir, you ready to check out?"

"No, I was just wondering about these pants."  Oblivious that it's super-busy.

"Okay, what'd you want to know about those pants?"  I reply.

"Well, the belt loops don't seem all that big."  He explains.  "I like to wear a big belt."  He lifts up his shirt, showing his belt--which is abnormally large, both in height and girth.  It's got to weigh about 12 lbs.  For some reason, it's the thickness of about three regular leather belts.  Probably has his name branded on the back.

"Yea, bud.  Doesn't look like that sucker's gonna fit through these loops."  I try and tell him.

He looks at me, completely unsatisfied with my response.  "Why are the belt loops so small?  My belt ain't gonna fit through them!"

"Yep, it's not looking like that's going to happen.  My guess is that the product designers are trying to cut back on weight and assuming that the belt being used for these pants is going to be a lightweight one--you know, for hiking, backpacking, outdoor activities that are generally more comfortable with less weight."  thinking that explanation would end the conversation.  I look over at all the other customers that need to be helped, but that I can't assist due to this crazy old man's belt loop concerns.

"Well I've bought a shirt from you before, and it was just fine.  But these pants just won't work because of the belt loops."  he lifts his shirt again, showing me his ridiculously oversized belt.  "I got this belt at Cabela's, and I believe that they sell pants that will fit it.  I like my belts bigger."

Obviously.

"Bud, that big belt won't fit in these pants.  I suggest getting a different belt, or finding some different pants to buy that will accommodate that giant belt."  I bark fairly bluntly at this point.

He continues to beat the fuck out of the dead horse, "Why is it the belt loops are so small?  My belt would never fit through there.  I bought a shirt from you all, and it's just fine.  These pants just aren't gonna work, though."

No shit.  We've covered that four times already.

He goes on, "Why do they make the loops so small?  Is that something you messed up on?  Seems like a regular belt (It's not a regular belt--it's a ridiculous, giant belt) just wouldn't fit in there.  I bought one of your shirts----"

-blunt interruption-

"---Doesn't look like those pants are going to work for you, my friend!  If I were you, I'd try Cabela's."  I walk away.

As I walk away to help 15 other people that this braindead retard has jumped in the way of, I hear him saying from across the store, "I bought a shirt from you all, and I really like it.  Don't think those pants were made right, though......."

Fuck, man.

C'mon, Guys

Today, I once again noticed two dudes shopping together.  That happens much more that it should.  Two, seemingly heterosexual young adults, out on a weekend day, shopping together.  To each their own, I suppose.

The two gents, with their other shopping bags in hand, approach the register with their purchases from my store in hand.  I just had to say something, so I keep it innocent, "Whatcha guys out doing today?" I ask...genuinely.

"Oh, not much.  Just hittin' some shops." 

"Nice.  Finding some neat stuff?"  I ask, as I realize that I'm starting to get that sarcastic, condescending tone that I sometimes do when I dearly want to make fun of someone to their face, but know I shouldn't, but still kind of do.

"Yeah! There are some great sales today!  Your guy's sale is epic!"  Guy-shopper #1 says, very excitedly.

"Yeah, it is epic.  Really epic."  I continue in my asshole-ish tone that they are not picking up on, but that satisfies me.  "Okay, you two are all set to go."  as I finish the transaction.  "Have a great time shopping the rest of the day!"  I say entirely too dicky.  They didn't pick up on it though, so it's cool.

On to the next shop they go...shopping together.

I've never once thought to myself to call up my buddy Bryan, or my brother-in-law, Vic, and say, "Say man, it's the weekend!  What say the two of us head to the mall--do a little shopping!!??"

Maybe that's just me.